2 Peter 3:9

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”
- 2 Peter 3:9

Have you ever been through a period in your life where nothing seems to be going according to "the plan?" Did it feel like you were losing your sense of self, the person everyone knew you to be, and that you had no control over how you were changing? Have you ever been through something so exhausting, heart-breaking, emotional, physical, humbling, but yet powerful, faithful, and patient?
I am there right now! And have been for the last 8 or so months. If you would have asked me earlier in my life if I thought I was going to have kids, I would have told you that I would love to have them, but for some reason I didn't think it was going to be easy or even possible for me to have biological children. I felt that way before doctors confirmed that it would be hard for me. Even after the knowledge of this struggle, I NEVER fully imagined how difficult it would be to walk through. The endless needles, bruised veins, swollen abdomen, weight gain, enlarged ovaries, medications that do all kinds of things to a female body, fatigue both physically and mentally, negative pregnancy tests, and waiting are SO HARD to take! I have been handling these things well up until this month. AND THE ONLY REASON I CAN HANDLE THEM AT ALL IS MY FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST!
I have walked through anger, sadness, loneliness, frustration, worry, but if it were not for Christ walking next to me and the Holy Spirit living inside of me, I would have walked away from everything in my life. I would have given up and run away. Christ has used this time to draw me closer to Him. I can say that I have not enjoyed most of the process, but I have LOVED how He has changed me. How He continues to love me and show me the kind of woman He wants me to become. I am tired and look as though I have been run over by a truck, but I know Christ is providing me strength to continue. I KNOW that there is a PERFECT life full of blessings waiting for me in Heaven. I LIVE a blessed life right now because Christ loves me and watches over me. I don't know where the end of my fertility journey will be, but I TRUST Christ with my whole life; knowing that He will provide exactly what I need to mold me into a woman after His own heart. I still hope that biological children are in my future, but I will be alright if none come into this world. I will give my love to others; the way my Heavenly Father has adopted me into His kingdom and family.
I love 2 Peter 3:9 because it reminds me that God's sense of time is not the same as our own. It focuses my attention away from my desire to control my life, and turns it to the Master and His timing. His. Perfect. Time. His patient time. His loving time. His time to call me to repent. His time to be near to me in sweet humility.
I pray that I would rest in this time. That I would release my anxiety for the future and trust where Christ is taking me. I pray for joy! For passion to share my struggle with others. If there is any way to use me; Please do so! I ask that Christ would search my heart and reveal any sin in my life. I am so thankful for the life I have in Jesus Christ!

In Christ's name, Amen!

Luke 11:13

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
-Luke 11:13

Father, you are so faithful to me even when I do not deserve it! You walk beside me when I feel far away from you; you are patient with me; always waiting to hear my voice. Thank you for loving me! Thank you for giving me the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit! How precious is that gift above all others! Lord, you know I desire to start a family. You know the pain I undergo each month; both emotionally and physically, but if having kids is going to take me away from you, then you are right to not give them to me! I want to glorify you and live for you! I want to raise kids that know you and lead them to you daily, but I also trust what you are doing in my life. I KNOW that you are giving me what is best! Father, may your will be done in my life; may I be a testimony to your loving grace and mercy! May I serve others the way you have shown me how through Jesus Christ. May I love you with my whole heart and may that love pour out onto others.

Thank you for the saving grace in Christ!
In His name, Amen!

Days 77-80: Colossians 4:2-4

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.
- Colossians 4:2-4

Father, thank you for the words you inspired Paul to write! Words that teach us and spur us on toward living for your glory. May we, as believers, pray with thanksgiving and ask for open situations to declare the Good News. May we be bold like Paul in telling others of our reason to hope. May we turn to you for guidance and strength.

Thank you for new life! I ask that you be with David and Melissa during this time of labor! Praise be to your name for the gift of new life! May the little one that is on its way into the world grow to know you. May mommy and daddy be drawn closer to you and taught about your love through this life. I pray for Christ's saving grace to be upon this family!

Thank you for loving us!
In Christ's name, Amen!

Days 69-76: Psalm 138: 1-3

It has been over a week! I cannot believe how easy it is to get "busy" and forget to post something.

I give you thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart;
before the gods I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
-Psalm 138: 1-3

Father, you are faithful! You are loving! Your name is highest above all! Lord, I do praise you, but I have failed in praising you with my whole heart. I hold back in fear of earthly concerns; I let anxiety take over in my life; I do not release my heart's control to you in EVERY situation. Thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you for showing me how to let go and for taking my life through trials and suffering so that I have opportunities to give my heart to you fully. Thank you for the past 21 months! I have learned so much about giving my life to you, but I am no where close to understanding your ways. Father, teach me more about your love. Show me patience and give me the strength to show patience to others. Supply the words on my tongue so that others may know I am yours.
Thank you for a week of rest; may I be productive in seeking your way for my life. Thank you for sustaining me!

In Christ's name, Amen!

Days 63-68, Romans 12:9-12

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

-Romans 12: 9-12

Father, you know what is going to happen to all of us in our daily lives! You have planned it out from the beginning. Lord, I confess my sinful nature of being lazy and letting my desire to do things that are easy and thoughtless take over! The very things that keep me away from you! I thank you whole-heartedly for the friendships you have placed into my life; the sisters and brothers I have in Christ and the family and friends I have that don't know you. Your blessings are too much when I stop and think of them all. I pray for my love to show through your strength; that the people in my life would know your love because of how I show love to them. May I be patient and always in prayer.

Lord, I pray for the leaders of my church. Thank you for the Drapers! Thank you for calling them back to IL and for speaking so clearly on how you would have them serve. Thank you for their hearts of sacrifice and love! How gentle their spirits are; how gracefully they have walked through adversity because they rely upon your strength! Thank you for the example they are of your servant Jesus Christ! I pray that the church would come around them and support them in their new ministry roles. May they be strengthened and encouraged by us.

Thank you for the members of my small group as well. I am blessed by their love and concern daily! I am amazed at how you call people together to glorify you! You are glorified through the men and women here! You constantly amaze me and I cannot wait to gaze upon your face and sing your praises forever!

Thank you for your sacrifice and the love you have for us. May we live as Romans instructs; to love genuinely.

Days 59-62: Ecclesiastes 7:21 & 22

Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.
-Ecclesiastes 7:21 & 22

Father, how true these words are! Especially right now in my life! Thank you that I can turn to your word in every situation and find something that speaks to my heart! Father, I pray for my attitude at work. I have been quick to anger; jumping to the worst possible outcome immediately. I ask that you would grant me a calm spirit in that place. I ask for the desire to even get out of bed and go to work! As that has become a challenge recently. Lord, help me love others who I don't get along with! Humble my heart and mind so that I have a servant attitude and not one trying to control everything. Thank you for being a wonderful leader that was humble and giving so that I have an example to follow. May I look for your guidance in my daily walk. May I actually look like a Christian to the world, not like someone who doesn't know you at all! Father, help me, I am not strong enough to do this on my own!

In Christ's name, Amen!

Days 55-58: Ecclesiastes 7:14

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.

- Ecclesiastes 7:14

Father, you have given us your word so that we may find you in our lives! Thank you for doing this and for being so much more than I can possibly imagine. You know when I need to read, hear, or see certain things to keep on your path; thank you for bringing me to this verse today. Thank you for the book of Ecclesiastes! Thank you for the wisdom in this book. I pray for this wisdom; I pray that I would seek out righteousness before evil and that I would not try to understand your ways. Thank you, Father, for making both prosperous days and adverse ones! One without the other would mean I would never know you! Thank you for days of trial, for they have drawn me closer to you! I pray my heart would continue to seek after you!

In Christ's precious name, Amen!

Day 52-54: Ephesians 2:10

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

-Ephesians 2:10

Father, thank you for creating us with a desire to work. Thank you for giving me the desire to always be working toward a goal. Lord, I confess my need for perfection and control. I confess that when I know how to fix something that I often will do anything to get it taken care of; to the point of stepping beyond my place. Lord, I ask for patience in situations where I know I am right, but do not have the power to change anything! I ask that you would take away the resentment that is starting to build and replace it with love for those around me in this difficult predicament. I also pray for direction in where you want me to be working. You know what I can and cannot handle! Father, show me the path to take! Thank you for loving me and for walking with me through this often times rough journey!

In Christ's awesome name, Amen!

Day 48-51: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Father, thank you for the gift of life! Thank you for all the wonderful gifts you give us within this life on earth and the eternal life praising you! Thank you for family and friends, for joyous occasions and for support in times of trial. Thank you for loving us!

In Christ's name, Amen.

Day 47: Psalm 4:1

"Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!"

-Psalm 4:1

Father, You hear our prayers and you promise to answer them when they are in line with your will for our lives! Thank you for being a God that knows our every thought and desire. Thank you for wanting us to come to you still and reveal our hearts to you. Thank you for caring about our desires and for shaping us into men and women who love and serve to glorify you! Lord, show me where you would have me in this world! Show me where to serve at church and how to serve outside of the body of Christ. Teach me how to love the lost and be a light among the darkness. Father, care for the suffering and embrace them in your arms. Lord, thank you for easing my pain. Even though the pain is lessened, the desire is still there. Lord, I pray for your timing; knowing that it is perfect. I pray for peace in the waiting! May I serve you while I wait!

In Christ's name, Amen!

Days 43-46; Mark 13: 32-37

"But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to stay awake. Therefore stay awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning—lest he come suddenly and find you asleep. And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake."

-Mark 13: 32-37

Father, May I stay awake and always look for your presence in my life! May I work for your glory. May I find peace and joy in walking with you! May you work all things together in my life for your glory! May I worship you consciously! Thank you for your guiding principles and words!

In Christ's name, Amen!

Day 41 & 42: Philippians 2:5-8

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” -Philippians 2:5-8

Father, thank you for sending Christ here to walk on the Earth! Thank you Jesus, for humbling yourself to the point of death. Thank you for defeating death and rising again! Lord, thank you for the blessings and opportunities you have given Ryan and I. I pray that we would be seeking your will for our lives and that we would not rush into any decisions we have to make in the next couple of days. Lord, I cannot understand what you are doing, but it is exciting to see you work in our lives! May we be at peace with whatever comes. May we focus on the wonderful life we have because you are at the center. May we speak of your great love for us and let others know that our hope and joy comes from you! Lord, I cannot express enough thanks and appreciation for all you have done and continue to do for me and this world.

In Christ's holy name, Amen.

Day 40: Psalm 21: 3-7

"For you meet him with rich blessings;
you set a crown of fine gold upon his head.
He asked life of you; you gave it to him,
length of days forever and ever.
His glory is great through your salvation;
splendor and majesty you bestow on him.
For you make him most blessed forever;
you make him glad with the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the LORD,
and through the steadfast love of the Most High he shall not be moved."

-Psalm 21: 3-7

Father, you make all of us who walk with you feel like a king. You bestow us with blessings like crowns of gold and have given us salvation! You have promised our days will have no end. You create a joy that is indescribable and a peace that surpasses all understanding in our hearts. Thank you for leaving the Holy Spirit to live in us; and for teaching us through your Word. May my heart trust in You! May I stand on solid ground and not ever be moved!

In Christ's name, Amen.

Day 38 & 39: Revelation 22: 6-21

And he said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. And the Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, has sent his angel to show his servants what must soon take place."

"And behold, I am coming soon. Blessed is the one who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book."

I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I heard and saw them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who showed them to me, but he said to me, "You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers the prophets, and with those who keep the words of this book. Worship God."

And he said to me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, for the time is near. Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy."

"Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end."

Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to testify to you about these things for the churches. I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star."

The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book, and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.

-Revelation 22: 6-21

Yesterday was Easter! The day Christ rose from the grave to conquer death and sin! What a glorious day! Father, thank you for all the blessings you have given to me! For family, friends, work, play, daily comforts, and most importantly for my Savior, Jesus Christ! Father, I don't even deserve Christ, and you have given my life to him and blessed me with so much more! Thank you for yesterday; a time to remember the precious gift you gave the world. A day when I can gather with fellow brothers and sisters to worship and thank you! Thank you for the restful day yesterday and the renewed mind for this work week. Lord, I pray that as I go forth I would remember first to do your work, then the world pertaining to this world. May I respond to different situations in a manner that glorifies you. May I be focused on the light of heaven.

I love this passage from Revelation. It describes your coming back for me and the rest of your body and bride! How encouraging it is to read these words. That you are the beginning and the end; all is finished! May we walk righteously in your path and follow your calling to, "Come." I look forward to the day all pain ends and we can live praising you in heaven! Thank you so much for the wonderful gift of Easter! Christ is Risen!

In Christ's name, Amen.

Day 36 and 37: Matthew 20: 17-19

And as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside, and on the way he said to them, "See, we are going up to Jerusalem. And the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and scribes, and they will condemn him to death and deliver him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified, and he will be raised on the third day."

-Matthew 20: 17-19

Lord, what a special time of year for Christians! When we can celebrate Christ's defeat of death! Thank you for coming down from Heaven on high and walking amongst us! Thank you for being obedient to the point of death on a tree; even when you could have provided a way out for yourself. Father, thank you for defeating death by rising on the third day! Thank you for saving us from an eternity of living without you! Thank you for loving us enough to take away our sins. Thank you for choosing me to walk by your side. Thank you for knowing where I am headed and for making a way for me. I praise you because you are: Holy, Almighty, Infinite, Wisdom, Powerful, Wonderful, Savior! May I be a reflection of you as I live on this Earth.

In Christ's beautiful name, Amen.

Day 35: Psalm 19: 7-11

"The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the LORD is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the LORD are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the LORD is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the LORD is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the LORD are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.

Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward."

-Psalm 19: 7-11

Father, on days when I feel like I can go on no longer, your Word reminds me of your awesome power and infinite greatness. That you have promised great reward to those who love you and keep your commandments. Thank you for this promise. Please help me remember it when all else seems so wrong and I feel like I am walking without a purpose. Help me to remember that the things I start to worry about are only things of this world; help me to hold onto you and things with eternal value! Lord, heal my broken heart and fill me with your love. May I love others with mercy that comes from you! Grant me extra help from the Holy Spirit today! I need you!

In Christ's name, Amen.

Day 34: 1 Timothy 1: 12-17

"I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."

-1 Timothy 1:12-17

Father, I echo Paul's prayer here today! Thank you for finding me faithful and appointing me to your service. Thank you for the grace of our Lord in Christ Jesus and for sending Jesus to save sinners and be the example of patience, love, mercy, and submission. Lord, I pray for continued strength as I walk through the darkness; looking for answers. May I stop looking for answers to my questions, and instead, look for you. May I find what I am seeking in the arms of Christ; my comforter and savior. Renew my spirit so that I may serve others for your glory. Renew my energy so that I can be a helpmate to Ryan. Remove any selfish desire I have! Thank you for loving me so much that I cannot understand it!

In Christ's loving name, Amen!

Day 30-33; Psalm 27:14

"Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!"
-Psalm 27:14

Wow, what a couple of days it has been! Waiting to hear about fertility treatments, so that we could travel to Louisville for a baby shower, which ultimately, ended in them being canceled this cycle and all kinds of other stresses too, so I am sorry for not writing! I wish I could say this weekend was filled with quiet time with God, but it was not. I can truly feel the distance and the yearning to get back to him! (Which is a pleasant return of an old feeling) The Lord is truly blessing me during my time writing the prayers and during the reading and studying that goes along with being in prayer! With that,

Father, thank you for showing up in everyday occurrences to let me know that I am not alone. Thank you for granting me a peace this past week and weekend and helping me find the joy in serving others. Thank you for the wonderful family I was born into and the amazing family I have in your body of believers; they truly are an encouragement to me and help me to see how much you love me! Thank you for being my Rock, when all else is crumbling around me, you are there. Dad, I pray that I would be able to withstand the waiting. I ask that you would grant me strength to walk daily with the pain and heartache. I ask that if your will does not include children, that you would release that desire from my heart and replace it with your desire and plan for my life. I thank you for the easing that has already begun; for the ability to dwell on the other ways you bless me and want me to serve you! Lord, I do not want children to become an idol again, please show me where you would have me and how you are going to use me for your glory.

In Christ's name, Amen!

Day 29: Luke 8:14-15

"And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature. As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience."
-Luke 8:14-15

Father, thank you for your Word. It is alive and thriving in this place. Thank you for the examples you leave for us in the pages of the Bible. I love finding the meaning in them that speaks to my heart and convicts me to humbly come before you. I pray that my life would be like a plant that is firmly rooted in good soil! That I would hear the word, hold fast to it, and with patience, bear fruit of the spirit. Fruit that glorifies you and points others to Jesus Christ! May I not be so worried with the details of everyday life that I miss opportunities to serve others and show love to them. Father, send me little whisperings and reminders to let me know when my focus is in the wrong place! Thank you for the gifts and wonderful blessings I have in this world. Ones that keep me comfortable; may I never take those for granted! You are truly amazing and I love walking in your presence. Stay near to me.

In Christ's love, Amen.

Day 28: Romans 2:3-5

"Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed."
-Romans 2:3-5

Father, thank you for your kindness and patience. It is true that these qualities lead us to repent of our sins and strive to walk in the manner of Christ. Thank you for loving us and calling us to you! Lord, I pray for those who don't know you. Soften the hearts of those whose name you called before they were born; call them to you so that they may know the love which surpasses all understanding. I pray for believers, that we may be a light for this dark world. May we glorify you in all we do. May we be your hands, feet, and voice here on Earth. May we be what you use to plant seeds into the unbeliever's heart. Thank you for using people in my life. They are truly blessings to me! Thank you for not losing your patience with me as I walked stubbornly away from you for so many years. Thank you for not leaving me now! Use me in any way you see fit!

In Christ's name, Amen.