2 Peter 3:9

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”
- 2 Peter 3:9

Have you ever been through a period in your life where nothing seems to be going according to "the plan?" Did it feel like you were losing your sense of self, the person everyone knew you to be, and that you had no control over how you were changing? Have you ever been through something so exhausting, heart-breaking, emotional, physical, humbling, but yet powerful, faithful, and patient?
I am there right now! And have been for the last 8 or so months. If you would have asked me earlier in my life if I thought I was going to have kids, I would have told you that I would love to have them, but for some reason I didn't think it was going to be easy or even possible for me to have biological children. I felt that way before doctors confirmed that it would be hard for me. Even after the knowledge of this struggle, I NEVER fully imagined how difficult it would be to walk through. The endless needles, bruised veins, swollen abdomen, weight gain, enlarged ovaries, medications that do all kinds of things to a female body, fatigue both physically and mentally, negative pregnancy tests, and waiting are SO HARD to take! I have been handling these things well up until this month. AND THE ONLY REASON I CAN HANDLE THEM AT ALL IS MY FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST!
I have walked through anger, sadness, loneliness, frustration, worry, but if it were not for Christ walking next to me and the Holy Spirit living inside of me, I would have walked away from everything in my life. I would have given up and run away. Christ has used this time to draw me closer to Him. I can say that I have not enjoyed most of the process, but I have LOVED how He has changed me. How He continues to love me and show me the kind of woman He wants me to become. I am tired and look as though I have been run over by a truck, but I know Christ is providing me strength to continue. I KNOW that there is a PERFECT life full of blessings waiting for me in Heaven. I LIVE a blessed life right now because Christ loves me and watches over me. I don't know where the end of my fertility journey will be, but I TRUST Christ with my whole life; knowing that He will provide exactly what I need to mold me into a woman after His own heart. I still hope that biological children are in my future, but I will be alright if none come into this world. I will give my love to others; the way my Heavenly Father has adopted me into His kingdom and family.
I love 2 Peter 3:9 because it reminds me that God's sense of time is not the same as our own. It focuses my attention away from my desire to control my life, and turns it to the Master and His timing. His. Perfect. Time. His patient time. His loving time. His time to call me to repent. His time to be near to me in sweet humility.
I pray that I would rest in this time. That I would release my anxiety for the future and trust where Christ is taking me. I pray for joy! For passion to share my struggle with others. If there is any way to use me; Please do so! I ask that Christ would search my heart and reveal any sin in my life. I am so thankful for the life I have in Jesus Christ!

In Christ's name, Amen!

Luke 11:13

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
-Luke 11:13

Father, you are so faithful to me even when I do not deserve it! You walk beside me when I feel far away from you; you are patient with me; always waiting to hear my voice. Thank you for loving me! Thank you for giving me the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit! How precious is that gift above all others! Lord, you know I desire to start a family. You know the pain I undergo each month; both emotionally and physically, but if having kids is going to take me away from you, then you are right to not give them to me! I want to glorify you and live for you! I want to raise kids that know you and lead them to you daily, but I also trust what you are doing in my life. I KNOW that you are giving me what is best! Father, may your will be done in my life; may I be a testimony to your loving grace and mercy! May I serve others the way you have shown me how through Jesus Christ. May I love you with my whole heart and may that love pour out onto others.

Thank you for the saving grace in Christ!
In His name, Amen!

Days 77-80: Colossians 4:2-4

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.
- Colossians 4:2-4

Father, thank you for the words you inspired Paul to write! Words that teach us and spur us on toward living for your glory. May we, as believers, pray with thanksgiving and ask for open situations to declare the Good News. May we be bold like Paul in telling others of our reason to hope. May we turn to you for guidance and strength.

Thank you for new life! I ask that you be with David and Melissa during this time of labor! Praise be to your name for the gift of new life! May the little one that is on its way into the world grow to know you. May mommy and daddy be drawn closer to you and taught about your love through this life. I pray for Christ's saving grace to be upon this family!

Thank you for loving us!
In Christ's name, Amen!

Days 69-76: Psalm 138: 1-3

It has been over a week! I cannot believe how easy it is to get "busy" and forget to post something.

I give you thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart;
before the gods I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
-Psalm 138: 1-3

Father, you are faithful! You are loving! Your name is highest above all! Lord, I do praise you, but I have failed in praising you with my whole heart. I hold back in fear of earthly concerns; I let anxiety take over in my life; I do not release my heart's control to you in EVERY situation. Thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you for showing me how to let go and for taking my life through trials and suffering so that I have opportunities to give my heart to you fully. Thank you for the past 21 months! I have learned so much about giving my life to you, but I am no where close to understanding your ways. Father, teach me more about your love. Show me patience and give me the strength to show patience to others. Supply the words on my tongue so that others may know I am yours.
Thank you for a week of rest; may I be productive in seeking your way for my life. Thank you for sustaining me!

In Christ's name, Amen!