2 Peter 3:9

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”
- 2 Peter 3:9

Have you ever been through a period in your life where nothing seems to be going according to "the plan?" Did it feel like you were losing your sense of self, the person everyone knew you to be, and that you had no control over how you were changing? Have you ever been through something so exhausting, heart-breaking, emotional, physical, humbling, but yet powerful, faithful, and patient?
I am there right now! And have been for the last 8 or so months. If you would have asked me earlier in my life if I thought I was going to have kids, I would have told you that I would love to have them, but for some reason I didn't think it was going to be easy or even possible for me to have biological children. I felt that way before doctors confirmed that it would be hard for me. Even after the knowledge of this struggle, I NEVER fully imagined how difficult it would be to walk through. The endless needles, bruised veins, swollen abdomen, weight gain, enlarged ovaries, medications that do all kinds of things to a female body, fatigue both physically and mentally, negative pregnancy tests, and waiting are SO HARD to take! I have been handling these things well up until this month. AND THE ONLY REASON I CAN HANDLE THEM AT ALL IS MY FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST!
I have walked through anger, sadness, loneliness, frustration, worry, but if it were not for Christ walking next to me and the Holy Spirit living inside of me, I would have walked away from everything in my life. I would have given up and run away. Christ has used this time to draw me closer to Him. I can say that I have not enjoyed most of the process, but I have LOVED how He has changed me. How He continues to love me and show me the kind of woman He wants me to become. I am tired and look as though I have been run over by a truck, but I know Christ is providing me strength to continue. I KNOW that there is a PERFECT life full of blessings waiting for me in Heaven. I LIVE a blessed life right now because Christ loves me and watches over me. I don't know where the end of my fertility journey will be, but I TRUST Christ with my whole life; knowing that He will provide exactly what I need to mold me into a woman after His own heart. I still hope that biological children are in my future, but I will be alright if none come into this world. I will give my love to others; the way my Heavenly Father has adopted me into His kingdom and family.
I love 2 Peter 3:9 because it reminds me that God's sense of time is not the same as our own. It focuses my attention away from my desire to control my life, and turns it to the Master and His timing. His. Perfect. Time. His patient time. His loving time. His time to call me to repent. His time to be near to me in sweet humility.
I pray that I would rest in this time. That I would release my anxiety for the future and trust where Christ is taking me. I pray for joy! For passion to share my struggle with others. If there is any way to use me; Please do so! I ask that Christ would search my heart and reveal any sin in my life. I am so thankful for the life I have in Jesus Christ!

In Christ's name, Amen!